How do you know when someone is being selfish and not just unaware of others needs?

I have been along distsnce relationship with a guy for 2 years now and still he has difficulty remembering to be considerate or to think of things that I might like or need. I visit him 2 to 3 times a month. He will plan hunting or fishing trips( alaska, eatern washington, oregon) and not even think that I might like to go. or say that he cant take much time off work for camping or trips with me... that he is just tring to fill the freezer with meat. Or buy me a gift that has to stay at his house (ie@ he got me 4 ornamental trees that he planted at his house..for my mothers day gift ..also changed the location of where I wanted them planted cuz he said he didnt like them there!)


when I have addressed this issue with him he says that I am being to sensitive.. to needy and that he enjoys having me in his life.... so why do I feel so taken for granted? what am I missing here?

How do you know when someone is being selfish and not just unaware of others needs?
Not knowing you or your partner makes it hard to comment. But on the pure facts you have listed, I think that you can do better. Your partner seems at least very self-centred in his ways, which indicates that he neither needs you, nor is he particularly concerned for you. He simply takes you for granted, and so far you are obviously playing along nicely. So there is no need for him to change.





Do not expect him do to so either, even if he would say so or promise. People above the age of 7 cannot change their ways or habits in a significant way. That is a scientific fact.


So if I was in your shoes, I would find myself another partner, one who cares and shows affection. Too many people I encounter make the mistake to stick to an unsuitable partner too long in the hope that things will get better. Believe me, they never will. You are in charge of your own life and responsible for your own happiness.
Reply:long distance relationships are hard and why arent you with him anyway?he is living his life the way he wants too and has gotten comfortable with you not being there but if he is serious to be with you he needs to realize that you are a woman and we need attention he could send you flowers and stuf but he is being selfish so i would think seriously about this relationship and see if this is what you truly want and change it and tell him what you want out of this and if it doesnt work i would find other things to do like hes done and go on it will be hard but being in a true loving relationship doesnt mean doing it alone good luck
Reply:Some people just have to be in charge of their %26#039;universe%26#039; at all times. There are a multitude of reasons why they are like this. In it%26#039;s extreme these people (who like to always be in charge) can become extremely un-spiritual, selfish, self centered, narrow minded, etc.etc. and also very lonely.


This guy needs a wake up call!





These might help you:





1. Insist he give you some gift (tangible)that is totally yours to keep for ever and ever.


2. Insist he give you some gift (in-tangible)that is totally yours to keep for ever and ever.


3. Tell him EXACTLY what kind of gift you would consider appropriate to your relationship. Remember it%26#039;s very hard for any person to pick a perfect gift for another, so be specific but not greedy or selfish.


4. Insist on equal TIME, CHOICE and SAY in your relationship. Stand up for yourself.





PS: This relationship sounds too much one sided to me. Is he a married man? If so then YOU may be expecting to much from this relationship.


Maybe God can give you an insight on this good luck with it.
Reply:You need to find a new man because it%26#039;s very clear he does not really give a darn about your feelings at all, it%26#039;s all about him.
Reply:Sounds you are missing the most important part of life, my friend. The companionship, the sharing, the caring...you appear to be a very giving person...which is admirable...don%26#039;t waste yourself and/or your free time on someone who only wants you WHEN they want you...there%26#039;s someone out there who would jump at the chance to spend time with you and share life with you.





FIND THEM and ditch the selfish loser!!! You are worth more than this guy realizes!!!
Reply:Due to the number of things you have mentioned, I would say that he is a person who is basically selfish. Even if you make him aware of something that hurts you, he will go and do something totally different that is just as selfish and hurtful.





Once a person is an adult, if they are not a care-taker type of personality, I don%26#039;t think there is much you can do to change them. Sounds like you guys are not really compatible and that you need to find someone who is more sensitive.
Reply:Guys will always be guys. They are all uncaring an insensitive at some point in a relationship. They all do things for themselves, and not think of you in all of the decisions that they make. Thats just who they are. We can%26#039;t change it, and its not you, its that no girls can change this. I used to make a big deal out of everything my current boyfriend said and did. I realized that this was only causing me to get depressed. The more I thought about things... the more I thought about things, and that wasn%26#039;t a good thing to do. I now realize that he is a good guys most of the time- they just aren%26#039;t as emotional as we are. They still can be great and makes us feel like we are the only one for them. Its different in a Long distance relationship though. If you honestly feel that he is not making an effort to spend time with you- he probably doesn%26#039;t want to spend more time with you. I am sorry and I know that hurts. I am not trying to be mean. I just know what its like to be in that situation. I would ask him why. I would make sure he is fully committed to you. If it has been two years, I would ask here where he sees the relationship going. If he just says he likes being with you and he will see, then he probably doesn%26#039;t have his full heart in it like you do. Not to say that he doesn%26#039;t want to be with you at all, but maybe he is just not ready to say %26quot;ok she is the one.%26quot; If you ask him just be prepared for an answer that you are afraid of getting. Its better to find out now- then to stay with him for another year and find out then. Good luck and if you need to talk you can email me.



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