What need too be changed in this essay? is it good for a 7th grader?

Between the time of the nomadic society to the agricultural revolution, society made a significant technological transition. The lives of the two societies revolved around their need for food. The weather conditions affected their ability to get food, and often the weather was hot and desiccated. When the nomadic inhabitants discovered the agricultural way of life, they knew they could have more offspring, because they were confident there would be enough food to feed their families. Although this was not a smooth transition from the nomadic .way of life to an agricultural existence, history would prove the scale of differences is closer than they know. Additionally, that small difference is what they need to help each other to survive.


To be an agricultural member means you live in one place and you uphold yourself by growing your own food and for meat growing your own livestock. The nomads traveled with their food and had no stable residence in one place for thousands of years. Where they hunted and gathered depended on the nature of weather in specific areas. Some animals or plants only like warmer or colder weather so they had to adjust where they went according to that. Both societies felt a strong abhor for each other, but had a need for each other’s support.


The nomadic civilization originated in the Middle East. They lived in this manner for thousands of years. This was including Egypt, the Arabian Peninsula, Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, Syria, Turkey, Iran, and Iraq. The men hunted for their food and the women gathered natural things like vegetables, plants, herbs, and fruit. The agricultural society obtained their food by growing it themselves from animals to berries. The nomads felt that the agricultural society was pampered and had to do little work, but this can easily be proved as something fallacious.


To be part of the agricultural society required diligence and urgency. Their strong work ethics proved this factual. They ran their farms, managed their crops, and took care of their house, and many children. All of these things were important for our interminable need for food. Nomads were often on the move and the agricultural society did not feel this was correct and their way to feed their families was more productive. Neither nomads nor the agricultural revolution liked each other but most of their accusations were maliciously false.


The agricultural revolution grew their food and lived in one place they felt this practice was best and did not like the way of roving with your food source. Without thinking, we impose our ideas as being right on other people, the nomads and agricultural revolution did just that. Their lives were hard worked. They felt this conflict towards each other but without them, the whole trading industry would crash.


As a human population, they were pretty much the same. They both had a need for each other in business. The two cultures traded items and received gifts for help. They both have a struggle for their natural necessities of life. Moreover, both have the same ideas for survival. The agricultural populace and the nomadic society needed to come to an agreement that without each other their existence is devastated.

What need too be changed in this essay? is it good for a 7th grader?
ok there is alot of non-essential/fluff information in this essay. this was suppose to be about the comparision in the 2 seperate lifestyles, not about how much they fought or lied about each other. so i think that you need to take all of that information out. you need to really site what things they did that were similar not different. your first paragrph needs to basic elements: theme(what is this supposed to be about), supporting details(give descriptive information), conclusion(recap, make me believe everything you%26#039;ve told me). there is definitley some work to be done with this essay and it%26#039;s a good 1st draft. now you just need to go back through and make sure you have made the point of the essay, cause frankly if i hadn%26#039;t read what this essay was supposed to be about i wouldn%26#039;t have known. Good luck!



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