Will you accept the testimony of nazgulslayer, as we accept his gospel into jim_darwinism?

Jim Darwin is anointed as the Prophet of the LORD.





Now it happened that one day, the LORD looked down from


heaven and was displeased with what he saw. %26quot;My people, the


Christians, have grown unruly. They have corrupted that which I have


sent them in the writings of men. They follow the teachings of these


fundamentalists, and do not open their mind to new beliefs.


Therefore, let us send someone to help them.%26quot; So the LORD looked


over the entire world, and saw that there was a child named Jim


Darwin. And the LORD said, %26quot;this child is pure in heart; I shall


make him my prophet unto the nations.%26quot;


Then the Angel of the LORD appeared to Jim Darwin in a


pillar of fire, and the voice of the LORD spoke, saying, %26quot;Go, Jim


Darwin, be my prophet.%26quot; And so the LORD filled Jim Darwin with His


Spirit, and anointed him to bring the Christians to light.








Jim Darwin begins his ministry.





So many years later, the Angel of the LORD once again


appeared to Jim Darwin in a vision, and said, %26quot;Go, for it is time to


begin your ministry; I am the LORD.%26quot; And so Jim Darwin got up, and


went out to preach.


First, he went to his local Southern Baptist church, and


stood at the door, saying, %26quot;Repent; and embrace evolution!%26quot; But they


cast strange looks at him, and would not listen. Seeing this, he


strode into the middle of the service, and said, %26quot;I have been


anointed by the LORD, and you have rejected me! May the power of the


LORD descend upon you!%26quot; And immediately, the LORD sent down holy


brimstone and fire from Heaven; and in doing so, destroyed the


church, and the people fled, but Jim Darwin stood in the center,


arms raised for hours; and the fire did not touch him.





Jim Darwin teaches about atheists, and a Christian denounces


fundamentalists.








Teaching about Atheists





And afterwards, Jim Darwin went to a large open area, and a great


crowd came, and among them was a learned man who did not believe in


God, and he said to him, %26quot;Tell us, what of those that do not believe


in God? What of these atheists? They (the fundamentalist Christians)


have told us many things about atheists; they claim that we hate


God, worship Satan, or worship ourselves, and say we are immoral.


What say you?%26quot;


And he looked at the man, and said, %26quot;How wise are you! For I


see that you are one of these. So then, let me speak!%26quot;





The Parable of the Men and the Marsh





He said: %26quot;Consider the parable of two men, who went out to


lead a crowd through a marsh. One did not question his path, but


merely took those who would go with him, and rushed through the


marsh, paying no attention to where they walked, because of their


faith that they would reach the other side. And in doing so, many


became bogged down in quicksand, and could not get through. But the


other man took his group, and based on what they could see,


carefully led them all through to the other side. So it is with


fundamentalist Christians and atheists. For the atheist will go on


what he sees, but the fundamentalist will take his faith too far,


and in the process, bring many down with him. Now, as to your


questions about the atheist. No atheist hates God; they cannot bring


themselves to believe in him, for they feel that the evidence


supports him. No atheist worships Satan; to do so would imply belief


in a higher being, as Satan is clearly mentioned as an angel in the


Bible. No atheist worships themselves; why should they? It will do


them no good, for they believe that death is the end; therefore, to


think of themselves as a god is merely walking through life with a


blindfold. As for immorality, consider this parable I have heard of.%26quot;





The Parable of the Beggars





%26quot;Six men were begging by the side of the road. As they had


had nothing to eat, and it was a Sunday, they said to


themselves, `Come, let us go to the church, for surely they shall


give us food.%26#039; And so they went to the church and begged, but the


people spat and them and hit them and commanded them to leave.


Disgruntled, one man went over to the next building, where a meeting


of persecuted atheists was taking place. Seeing the man%26#039;s dire


condition, one atheist raced over, and invited the man into his


house to eat. The beggar agreed, but asked, `May I first fetch my


companions, that they may eat too?%26#039; When the man gave his agreement,


the beggar went back over to his friends, saying, `Come, for tonight


we shall eat!%26#039; But they laughed at him, and said, `Surely the church


shall give us some food and let us sleep here tonight.%26#039; So the lone


beggar went and ate and slept, but the other beggars were beaten off


the church%26#039;s property, and so had to sleep in the cold.%26quot;


%26quot;Many times I have thought atheists to be kinder than


Christians; but fundamentalists have succeeded in corrupting the


world today, so that oftentimes atheists are thought to be evil


sinners who will tear down the `good Christian values%26#039; of society.%26quot;


At this, the crowd grew unruly, and jim_darwin saw that they planned


to harm him; for many fundamentalists had come to ask questions so


that they could trick him into giving a false answer. So Jim Darwin


said, %26quot;Look! Here is one of your fellow Christians; let him speak to


you about atheism. If you will not listen to me, perhaps you will


listen to him!%26quot;





The Christian%26#039;s Speech





%26quot;Fellow Christians. In your fundamentalist ways, you are


blind men who do not even question the road when it is uneven.


Eventually, you will fall, and may not get back up! How would


anything new be learned if old things were not questioned?


Therefore, the atheist is important, for in their knowledge of


science, the atheist may help you to better understand God.%26quot;


The fundamentalists became angered, but before they could


take Jim Darwin or the Christian, the latter began to speak again.


%26quot;You fundamentalists assume all atheists are alike. You heap


them together, and call them `atheists,%26#039; or `evolutionists.%26#039; Yet you


do not understand that they are different people: astronomers,


biologists, and many other professions. After all, would you not


agree with me that a Methodist is slightly different than a Southern


Baptist? Yet you assume that all atheists are alike as I have said


before. You claim they all believe in the same things: the Big Bang,


and evolution. Yet to many an atheist, some of these theories do not


make sense. Some atheists even support your ideas on abortion. All


atheists are human beings; they are different. They have different


political views, and different scientific views. Indeed, who are you


to judge them?%26quot;


%26quot;Why do you dismiss the findings of scientists? Such people


work to come by their decisions, but you, with your limited


knowledge, citing unspecified reasons descend upon them as jackals!


If your pastor were to make a comment about the Bible, and someone


who had never read a word of Scripture rejected it, does this make


sense? Why then, my brothers and sisters, do you do this to


scientists, and claim they are immoral and invent their claims to


disprove you? Come; let me hear your response!%26quot;


But the anger of the fundamentalists was kindled against


him; and they took him and lynched him, and left him by the side of


the road, saying, %26quot;He was not a true Christian.%26quot; And so Jim Darwin


fled, to avoid the wrath of the fundamentalists.





Jim Darwin stops a Hellfire sermon.





Then Jim Darwin went to rest by a lake, but at the lake was


a protégé of Jerry Falwell named John Evans, who was delivering a


Hellfire sermon against gays. And the Angel of the LORD appeared to


Jim Darwin in a dream as he slept, and said to him, %26quot;Rise, my


servant! For a serpent nestles near!%26quot; And Jim Darwin awoke, and saw


the sermon, and said to himself, %26quot;Ah, what damage they do in their


ignorance!%26quot;


So he put his hands to the sky, and cried in a loud


voice, %26quot;O, LORD, stop this charlatan!%26quot; And immediately the LORD


lifted the lake from its bed, and emptied it onto Evans, and the


people cheering him. And many were frightened, saying, %26quot;This is the


prophet that destroyed the church; now he has emptied a lake; surely


the LORD is with him!%26quot; And the people fled from there, but Evans


swore revenge; and afterwards, Jim Darwin placed the lake back in


its bed.





Jim Darwin well received.





Now at some churches, Jim Darwin would come to stand at the


door, and the members would come to him, and say, %26quot;Come inside, for


you are gifted.%26quot; And he would respond, %26quot;Blessed are you who embrace


new ideas and new ways; for this is the will of the LORD!%26quot; And he


would sit in the churches, teaching, with the full blessing of the


pastor and the congregation.





The Parable of the Farmers





%26quot;Two farmers went out into a field; one was foolish, and his


mind was closed. The other was wise, and his mind open. And the


foolish farmer did not rotate his crops, but according to the old


ways, planted barley over and over again. The wise farmer, however,


rotated his crops, in accordance with the new ways. And they did


this for many years, and were near equals in prosperity. The day


came, however, when there was a large barley surplus, and the


foolish farmer did not get as much money as he usually had. His


field was worn out; so he could not plant new crops, and he did not


have enough money to keep himself alive and own his farm; so he was


forced to sell it and become a beggar. The wise farmer, however, had


many crops, and was able to keep his money and farm. So it is with


the world; the fundamentalists are the foolish farmer, and you, who


have allowed yourself to embrace the new ways, are the wise farmer.%26quot;


And when then had heard this, they were amazed.





A Plot to Kill Jim Darwin





Now Jim Darwin went to a town that had only one church,


which was Southern Baptist. And the preacher there came to strong


men of the community and said, %26quot;This heretic is here; when he comes


to condemn us at service, let us seize him, and kill him for


blaspheming against God.%26quot; So when Jim Darwin went and stood at the


door, the men went out to seize him, but Jim Darwin stretched forth


his hands, and the men were knocked backwards by a great wind, so


they became afraid, and told the preacher, %26quot;We went to kill him, but


we were thrown onto the ground by a wind.%26quot;


Hearing this, the preacher went out to confront Jim Darwin.





Jim Darwin Denounces the Preacher





When Jim Darwin saw the preacher coming to confront him, he


said in a loud voice, %26quot;Listen to me, people of this church! You have


become corrupted in your ways; if you remain in the past, you shall


surely fail! Beware of your proud preacher, who stutters in his fine


clothes, and takes your money, and condemns others to Hell! Is it


not written, `No man knows the mind of God?%26#039; Why then, do you accept


him as though he were God? Surely this is blasphemy!%26quot;


When the crowd heard this, they became enraged, and rushed


him, meaning to kill him, but they found there was an invisible


barrier surrounding Jim Darwin. And he stayed there the rest of the


day, preaching.





John Evans%26#039; Plan





Now John Evans%26#039; heart still burned for revenge against Jim


Darwin, and he decided that he would call together a large council


of fundamentalists; and when Jim Darwin came, they would kill him,


for their rage against him was great, and they were convinced that


the LORD would support them in their endeavor.


And in the months leading up to the council, Jim Darwin


gained even more followers, and became even more popular with the


people.





The Council, and Jim Darwin%26#039;s Revenge





So 15 prominent fundamentalists gathered by the side of a


great lake, and they began to preach to the masses, denouncing many


people, and all science, especially evolution. Finally, when, after


many days, they were done, John Evans stood up, and said, %26quot;Where is


this Jim Darwin, this prophet who makes war on the righteous? Has he


no courage that he has not come?%26quot;


And the moment he said this, there was a loud clap of


thunder, and a strong wind, and on the other side of the lake


appeared, in the middle of a pillar of fire, in a white robe, and


shining with the brilliance of God, was Jim Darwin.


And he said, %26quot;How dare you doubt the word of Jim Darwin, the


appointed and anointed servant of the LORD! Behold, I tell you the


truth, not one of you shall live to see another day!%26quot; And he opened


his mouth, and the fire of the LORD came through, and it was so hot,


it dried up the entire lake so that within seconds, fried fish lying


on the bottom was the only evidence the lake had ever been there.


And the fire of the LORD stripped the flesh off the fundamentalists%26#039;


bones, and turned their bones to ash; and thus was the will of the


LORD completed.





The Ascension of Jim Darwin





When this was done, Jim Darwin turned to the crowd, which


included many of his followers and said, %26quot;Thus is my task completed;


carry on my ministry, for the blessing of Jim Darwin, and of the


Lord, shall pour down upon you.%26quot; So saying, he lifted his hands, and


was instantly drawn up through the pillar of fire into heaven, and


was never seen again on the earth. But his followers remembered, and


began to spread his teachings across the world.

Will you accept the testimony of nazgulslayer, as we accept his gospel into jim_darwinism?
Wow. There%26#039;s a lot to swallow. Being a Catholic Christian, I do agree with you about blindly following someone or something. But let me tell you another parable. There were two boys fallen victim to a storm at sea. Their boat had been destroyed and the two boys alone made it to a deserted Island. The Lord God took pity upon them and sustained them until adulthood when by chance a fishing vessel sited the now young men on the shore and took them back to civilization. The men, not being familiar with many ideas and customs, were told about hot stoves and snakes and such things that were deemed a possible danger to them.





The one man said to himself, %26quot;The Lord my God has blessed me all these years with protection and now he has rescued me and put me with these people who teach me what is good and what is bad so I shall follow the rules of this people because the Lord my God loves me and does not wish harm to come to me%26quot;.





The other man said to himself, %26quot;Although the Lord my God has blessed me in all things and protected me, I must now be cautious and test all things despite what has been handed down to me%26quot;.





And the two young men after being taken into two different families later met up with each other a year later. The one man, healthy and teaming with love and confidence in the Lord. The other man burned and bitten and hating his very birth. The man who took the advice of the Lord said to the other, %26quot;What has happened to you my brother?%26quot; The other man replied, %26quot;I felt it necessary to test all things and not take the blind word of others and now my burned and bitten body will carry the scars of my foolishness into my death.%26quot;
Reply:That%26#039;s to much to read
Reply:got a lot of time on your hands do you?..try reading a bible
Reply:that is way to long i doubt your gonna get a real answer and seen as that i didn%26#039;t read i will leave you with this i am a christian so you better not say anything bad about us or else iam gonna have to pray for you seen as i can%26#039;t curse you
Reply:Holy crap, Jim. That must have taken a while to write. And, I read all of it. awesome, but it still doesn%26#039;t answer my question about the museum of Jim Darwin%26#039;s natural history aka (how old are you)
Reply:nutcase
Reply:I agree and enjoyed this.


I like %26quot;Teachings about Atheists%26quot;


I agree that it is often assumed that Atheists and evolution believers are some how immoral.


Cool.


Hmmm ... I wonder what Evil Jim Darwin will have to say about this?
Reply:Blessed be Jim Darwin. Peace be upon him.





Fried fish at the bottom of the lake.





Great story.
Reply:lol


I%26#039;ll read it later.


But I%26#039;ll interpret it now.


And change it as people who have read it tell me what it says.
Reply:This is the greatest post ever.





I do accept the testimony of nazgulslayer.
Reply:Too much to read. But the gist of it seems to be that you like Jim Darwin.
Reply:Powerful stuff Mr. Jim... Powerful stuff
Reply:Wow, Preach on brother.
Reply:for heaven%26#039;s sake, i only get about 1000 characters for my questions, what is the deal?



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