Saturday, July 25, 2009

(english )Is this a strong paragraph, if not please tell what is wrong.?

I have been asked to write a paragraph starting with the topic sentence i like food. tell me what is wrong or the needs for the following





I like food. food is an important substance that without it there would be famine. Food is delicious but food overdose could make you ill. Food is a precious gift from god that we all should be thankful for. Food has many varieties such as vegetables, fruits, meats and cereals. Although you can live several weeks without food, you need an adequate amount to stay healthy. Without food your mental and physical capabilities will deteriorate rapidly, and you will become weak. Food replenishes the substances that your body burns and provides energy. It provides vitamins, minerals, salts, and other elements essential to good health. Possibly more important, it helps morale. Therefore, proper nutrition is essential. The two basic sources of food are plants and animals (including fish). In varying degrees both provide the calories, carbohydrates, fats, and proteins needed for normal daily body functions.


plants and animals (including fish). In varying degrees both provide the calories, carbohydrates, fats, and proteins needed for normal daily body functions.

(english )Is this a strong paragraph, if not please tell what is wrong.?
This is a rewrite of your paragraph. You could approach this in a different way. If you topic sentence has to be "I like food," you could make this humorous, talking about how delicious hot dogs are, how much you love mac and cheese, etc. I don't know what the directions were, so I rewrote your paragraph to flow a bit better.





I like food. Many foods are quite delicious! Humans are made to enjoy food, since we need food for energy and to replenish nutrients in our bodies. Too much food, or too much of the wrong kinds of food can lead to problems like obesity, diabetes, heart disease and more. Still, food in very important to us and is a precious gift from God and a gift for which we should be very grateful. Humans can actually live for several weeks without food. This is another gift from God to preserve our lives in times of famine. Going without food for any length of time deteriorates out mental and physical abilities. We become weak and need the sustenance provided by food to replenish our bodies. Proper nutrition is essential for a healthy body and an active mind. Food provides vitamins, minerals, salts, proteins, and other elements important to good health. Our two basic sources of food are plants and animals. In varying degrees both provide the calories, carbohydrates, fats, salts, proteins, and minerals needed to maintain normal bodily functions. It really is a good thing that I like food!
Reply:You need to start with a stronger sentence than, "I like food."
Reply:Well, for starters, most of your paragraph has nothing to do with liking food; it has to do with facts about food, moralizing about food, etc. So you're off your topic sentence.
Reply:You are using the word food to much!



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