Serious question...How do you "get past", someone else having hurt you?

Please don't start quoting the bible. I know it well. My mother, who I have not seen in over 20 yrs and have not talked to in about the same sent me a birthday present. Every year, on my birthday, a small package shows up. It is sincere and usually a very nice gift. This year it was a little more personal. A beautiful array of plants were delivered. NEVER has it been this personal. I am not going to spill my insides about how things went down but the pain WAS incredible...got therapy and have tried to understand her (in our world I will not call but I will send her a nice thank you note with pictures of her grandchildren). My question is...HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO GET PAST SOMETHING AND STILL HAVE IT COMING AT YOU? I forgive her, gave up "the stones I carried" but just wanted to know if others have had to work "around the pain."

Serious question...How do you "get past", someone else having hurt you?
A Funny thing happened Alda, One of my answers was picked as best but the comment was intended for you in response to this question!! I don't know how the wires got crossed and this happened but it compelled me to look at your question! The heartfelt answers are all very touching, I think Daniel's answer is especially good advice. I suppose the plants are a continual reminder of her betrayal, where as the other gifts may have been able to be filed away somewhere, out of site out of mind. Perhaps this is God's way of reminding you about the beauty of life (the plants) .They grow and flourish with our love and caring but would wither and die without it. Past hurts and injustices also will wither and die if they are not kept alive with our constant thoughts of them. Maybe you have to go the one step further, maybe your getting past this has only been you going around it, in other words its still there.With God's love and guidance hopefully you can find a way to finally let it die and be put to rest. I know God works in mysterious ways, I hope I have helped in some small way!!
Reply:Wow, I didn't even think about the song's part in all of this!!! Report It

Reply:For me, it took many years of forgiving only to be rejected again and then a few years later I would forgive again and reach out to have relationship but would be rejected again after just a short time. In time, I simply let it go because I had done everything I could. The relationship with my mother is dead and I am ok with that because I did everything I possibly could over a number of years. Sometimes, you just can't deal with people who won't work with you. It sounds like your mother is trying. If that's the case, don't let it rest on you and be your fault if things continue in disrepair; unless there is some kind of danger involved or something.
Reply:You are NOT alone, by any means. Mothers are far from perfect but yet we have this image since they are suppouse to be our role models. I was in a similiar situtation, where I did not talk or see my Mother. It came down to the point--where the/my anger towards her was hurting me and my family(son) far more than it was hurting anybody else. So point in general, DON'T LET ANGER CONTROL YOUR LIFE.
Reply:Time helps to heal some wounds and from the sound of it you need more of it. Trust your inner feelings but keep in mind you have children who are going to start asking about their grandmother. If and when you are ready start out small and gradually build upon the relationship. Maybe a phone call every month or an email or letter. If you decide to meet with her maybe its a good idea to set time limits. I would suggest maybe over coffee and say to her that you have an appointment to go to afterwards. Don't stay for more than an hour because you may find yourself arguing over old wounds. If you begin the relationship on a bad note it will be difficult to start over again since she has hurt you deeply. Keep in mind that your feelings come first and if you are not ready yet dont push it or have anyone else push you. I hope this helps!
Reply:Everyone has terrible things that happen in their life. And it's really how you respond to it, everyone responds differently. But it is always best to learn what Jesus would have you do and then do it.


From your note it seems that you are still struggling with allot of emotional bondage. To forgive her, yourself and anyone else is very important, even to forgive God because it's normal to blame God because He let it happen...so forgive Him too. If you think you have forgiven and really have not then get on your knees and ask God to help you to forgive and while your there ask the Holy Spirit to give you strengthen and knowledge to overcome all the things that are binding you. Maybe such things as fear, shame, anger or any thing your struggling with. It is the enemy that keeps bringing these things to you so you will remain in bondage. Jesus came that you may be free and free at no cost, it's yours. Rebuke every evil thing that comes against you and speak the Name of Jesus and the Blood of the Lamb over yourself each day. God will lift a heavy load off your shoulders dear sister.


God's grace and mercy to you.
Reply:I have no idea, but after reading your question I had a good cry. I think we both need a hug.
Reply:It's called forgiving and forgetting
Reply:forgive and forget
Reply:I had a similar experience with a sister of mine. I just finally forgave her, forgave myself and then let it go.If you have forgiven your mom that's great your half way there, now you have to forgive yourself and then give it to God and let it go. The past is the past and you can not change that, but you can make the present and the future better.Leave the past in the past and dont look back. God Bless
Reply:It's not just a matter of forgiving and forgetting. There's often a feeling that you can't trust her anymore. In addition, sometimes people want their parents to feel the hurt that they feel. I've been having a bad relationship with my dad, and that's what I've been feeling. I think it's best to take things one step at a time. You can't restore your relationship with your mother overnight. Start small -- maybe write a little more in your thank you notes, or send her a few extra notes.





One other suggestion I have is to think about what you want in this relationship. Do you want her to acknowledge that she hurt you? Do you want to change the way you two communicate? If you find out what it is, it may help you ask for it and talk about it.
Reply:Hey I can so understand that! To tell you the truth I have no idea. Just keep praying!!! for her for you and your relationship. I think that there are some things that you never siimply 'get past' There are things trhat will always affect you whether you know it or not. Good luck and God bless. Let me know when you find the answer too
Reply:Serious answer! You are deceiving yourself you have not forgiven her. Since you know the Bible well, I'm sure you know why it is so important for you to forgive her fully.
Reply:Everyone will have this in their life at some point. If they don't right now, it will come later, this is a part of life and it isn't easy! I also have a parent this very difficult. I don't talk to him much at all, only when it's necessary.


I don't know what your situation is, but with mine I just prayed and prayed about it, whenever I had to contact him. I went for 6 years without talking to him,then he got sick and I had to go.


God is good, He will give you wisdom to know what to do, and strength to do what He wants you to do. It isn't about what we want, it's about what He wants. It is ongoing too, but once again God is good in letting us know what to do, He knows all about hard things......
Reply:I don't get it. She sent you a beautiful gift...flowers. Why did it cause you pain,my friend. What am I missing here?
Reply:Yes. The saying that comes to mind is "time heals all wounds" Forgiveness is the key. It's not saying what she did is okay. It's saying that you have moved on.


Focus on the positives in your life.
Reply:The simple answer I am going to give is not a simple one to take, unfortunately. I have a close friend whose mother mentally and physically abused her as a child. In one instance, her mother tied her to her bedroom doorknob and threw shoes and other projectiles at her when she forgot to clean her room. Her mother also backhanded her when she stepped out of line, and locked her in a dark closet four an hour to help her overcome her fear of the dark....at age four!!





She once asked me the same thing. How can she ever forgiver her mother? How do you go on with life when you so desperately want to keep things normal and comfortable. Even if the normal has been UNCOMFORTABLE!





The simple answer is prayer. God has a hand in things deeper than we can ever imagine. Ask God to grant you a spirit of discernment in this situation, and a heart of forgiveness. That way, your heart is able to forgive, but your soul is on guard for what might cause more hurt.





It sounds vague and sketchy, I know....perhaps even like a religious cop-out. Bear with it, though. You'd be surprised how quickly the paths will straighten when you trust in God's wisdom.
Reply:So you know the Bible? So then you know what true forgiveness is, Right? And you truly forgive your mother for what ever? So as a Christian then you know that when we ask God to forgive us and he does, he has truly has forgotten it. God can not lie.


I could quote scripture but you already know? We could pray over and over to him about it, but he would not know what you are talking about. He truly removed it from his memory. That's true forgiveness. If you cannot get over the pain you have not forgot? so you have not forgiven.


My father molested my oldest daughter and I hated him, But because of my study of God's word, I learned how to forgive and I forgave him, shortly after that he died. We sin against God when we don't forgive.


If you continue to keep this mental attitude it will destroy you.


I realize that we are weaker than God, but we who claim to be Christians, are to be imitators of God and his son Christ Jesus. If you need God's answers to your problems don't think a good guide could not show you things you have never thought about? gemhandy@hotmail.com
Reply:What it comes down to is not forgiveness. It is whether or not you feel that allowing this person a chance will compromise you in some way, like implying that you condone what they did or didn't do. If you cannot, that seems fine to me, but you must ask her to stop sending you gifts and let you go.



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